Rules to Drive By
Lisa Riley
Staff Reporter

1. A right-lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane, waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A “ real college student” never uses them. Use of them on campus may be illegal.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by the jerk who was directly behind you.

4. Crossing three or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered “going with the flow.”

5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.

7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that the guy behind you is keeping alert.

8. Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic backs-up.

9. Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make the state look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on the median.

10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. Cutting off the cars attempting to merge from the on ramps is an exercise in road domination.

11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are not enforceable during rush hour… unless it is YOU breaking the speed limit.

12. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that a college student driving behind you, flashing his high beams, doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.

14. Throwing trash on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.

15. It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to school, or to a party.

16. Learn to swerve abruptly and use high-speed slalom driving methods to avoid potholes.

17. Honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes.

18. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except on campus where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.

19. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
20. Remember that the goal of every college aged driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary. Think “Xtreme Sports”.

21. Real female college aged drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup, and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour, while gossiping on a cell phone with their girlfriend, during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

22. Real male college aged drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic during daylight hours (who would want to at night?) while bragging about it to their buddy on a cell phone.

23. It is not unusual to make a right hand turn from the left lane (or vise-versa). Drivers in the nearby lanes are responsible for anticipating your change in direction.

24. When sitting in traffic, it is perfectly normal to honk your horn at, cuss-out, or flip-off, the person in front of you who doesn’t move up the three inches that the rest of the traffic line has moved. Three inches is still ground gained and three inches closer to your destination.

25. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are nature’s way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales

One Woman Team

By Desiree Lara

Now when I think about it, in retrospect, I believe my summer was mostly about my discovery of who I am as a sports figure. That figure was based on my participation of the Dukes’ Cross Country team. For almost a year before the practice season began, so many people, in my local gym specifically, had told me it would be a sin, literally, if I didn’t transfer my treadmill sessions into an outdoor league of its own. At first, there seemed to have been a list of excuses holding me back from my sportsmanship missions. Work seemed to have been the number one reason, then school and studies. But more or less, I believe it was more my fears of the pressure and struggle of being part of a team and putting together a possible strong alliance. But the time came, and the Cross Country initiation was just around the corner.
In order for one to understand my lack-of-experience discomfort and ironic excitement, one must come to terms with a little of my so-called “sports” history. Here’s the thing: I have no sports history. If a resume were to be created about my past sportsmanship, the only thing to be recorded would be my one season membership in the tennis team of my freshman year of high school. And that season wouldn’t exactly showcase any raw talent. The entire season I spent despising the tedious six am practices, struggling in my JV double meets, and trying to perfect my rather imperfect serve, which turned out to have been the least of my problems. And to make matters worse, my coach wouldn’t exactly have qualified as a candidate as Best Motivator of the Year. To make a long story short, my experience with sports in the past doesn’t make a long list, and this is the reason why my motivation to join the cross country team was a little on the shaky side. In fact, in the fall season of 2005, the cross country and track coach himself, Jim Marketto, had approached me at least two or three times, trying to convince me to join the team.
Summer would have been long if I hadn’t signed the contract to be a teammate of the Dukes’ Women’s Cross Country team. The first afternoon of practice I was completely intimidated by the other teammates. What doubled my nervousness was the fact that when I did show up for that first day of practice, I was the only girl to have arrived in a group of experienced and athletic guys. If there ever was a real-life Pinocchio story in a modern day setting, this was it, except I wasn’t yearning to be a real live boy (that might have made the situation a bit more complicated, not only for me, but for the coaches preferably), but a real live runner. The mission to fit in was obvious. Inevitably so, I was able to take my place among a testosterone-driven clan.
Summer practices included miserably hot afternoons running three miles on forest-clad trails in Parvin State Park, and driving off campus to real live 5k running events. My running times varied, my endurances continued to progress, and my relationships with the other teammates began to take form in more comfortable and comrade-like states.
What makes this rookie story more interesting is the fact that, although I consider the young men and myself a team, the truth is I’m running a one-man, or woman, team of my own. With twelve men in the Men’s Cross Country team, I am the only woman running the show for the Women’s Cross Country team. Ask any of the coaches, Jim Marketto or the assistant coach of the cross country team, Michelle Hoxworth, and this little fact might heat up a few annoying nerves. But ask me, and I seem to be quite fine with it.
Of course there are times when I feel the pressure coming on, the nervousness that if I don’t do very well, I might hurt the rest of the team being the only woman. As one of my journalism classmates humorously informed me: I can be the worst and the best as a result of being in a single-man team. But it doesn’t seem that bad luck has caught up with me just yet. Running my best time of 23 minutes and nine seconds at the Philadelphia Metro in Fairmount Park, our third meet thus far, might promise me the rest of a good season. If another girl for my lonely Women’s team shows up, so be it. But until then, boys, bring it on.


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  • One Book One College

    By Jen Resnick Since 2004 there has been a One Book One College program here at CCC. The Students and staff are requested to read a book, which is chosen for that academic year. The book brings students, staff and even community members closer together by discussion. The CCC staff members are responsible for choosing the book. Professor Catherine Kewish chose this year’s one-book one-college novel. She chose Snow Falling On Cedars, by David Guterson. “The number one reason that this book was picked, [was] because it lent itself to so many different classes and different academic areas. It could easily be discussed, paper assignments, research papers and things like that and it also lent itself to multi-culturism diversity, which really are key words in the classes today,” stated professor Kewish. Snow Falling On Cedars had great reviews and is known as a “must read” novel. This gripping and impeccably written masterpiece is based on Japanese tradition. There will be a day of Japanese tradition held here at CCC in the Conference Center Banquet Room on Wednesday, March 21, 2007. Professor Kewish is very excited about this upcoming event. “This book gave us the opportunity to work with Japanese culture and we will have a whole afternoon of Japanese culture, tradition, Japanese dancers, maybe the Japanese drummers if they could get here, [and] things like Japanese calligraphy, origami, flower arranging, a Japanese tea ceremony. It’s going to be gorgeous!” said Kewish. This event is opened to the community. CCC has offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet the author of this riveting novel. David Guterson, will be here on campus on Wednesday, April 4, 2007. Guterson will be at The Fine and Performing Arts Center in the theatre at 7pm. In the past the other “must read” books included, The Color Of Water and My Sister’s Keeper. You can find any of these books here at CCC’s library, CCC’s bookstore, and online.

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